An Open Lost Letter

Dear you;

 

I have tried,

so hard to paint my feelings out for you;

to relinquish those delicate flowers into the raging torrents.

 

I have always wanted,

you to understand what I do, is for you;

I don’t have to pretend I’m not falling into your fibres and strings.

 

I have craved your smiles,

to know they are for me, mine for you;

I frolic along with you, hands bound and the world a riot.

 

I have never wanted to cry for you,

to let myself feel something so large, trembling inside a shell for you;

to feel is also to know I can hurt, wounds and scars do show.

 

I always was excited by you,

what you could make me sing for, praise in you;

to feel the sudden rise of temperature, soar to new ecstasies.

 

I have never known that I could predict words for you,

being able to moan and shape them from my tongue;

I know what they are, before you growl them out and

bite me

with those sharped teeth

and I collapse with them

buried deep within,

my head, arms, legs and in between.

 

Yet, there are things I have always wanted to say to you.

Things locked away, deep;

bottled and barrelled in caverns and crooks.

I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to voice them.

You make me nervous. You don’t help me wrap my tongue around them.

But maybe it’s simply me; I blunder through it all, you know me well.

 

I have to tell you that I’m sorry we will never be able to know

exactly who we are, together or separate;

there is no one who knows another person so intimately.

We are lovers, but I will never truly know your body like you do;

and for that I only wish to speak in answers.

Never questions.

Or I’ll be haunted by their coldness.

 

Take care. I love you.

At the same time I’ve already begun to miss you.

 

Me.

 

*Artwork unknown- referencing “Le Petit Prince”, by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry*

 

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