On Call Lover

You are wanted again,

pined for in dark places.

You are wanted.

Flashing lights,

I’m in dire need of your touch.

 

You are wanted, teased and played for a fool;

You let them take your favours from you,

riding the rollercoaster at the carnival, over and over

again until you feel sick

to your

soul.

 

Sweet after sweet unravelled from the wrapper,

you are swayed into the night,

stolen away by their clever, cunning calls.

Secret sojourns in the dead hours,

clasping what little dignity you have around your bare form,

you follow the scent of temptation,

in all of its wildest forms.

You are wanted.

You leave them spellbound in your wake,

demons tickling your skin,

begging as they rock you in their arms.

 

Tangled limbs, heat and salt,

they crave you with the lights turned off.

You can feel the frenzied brush of skin before,

you even arrive at your

destination.

You take their calls and respond to their

distress, feeling a false power,

a slow drag of your pulse,

a maddening pull towards their open doors.

 

You are needed.

Perfumed; scented like innocent summer flowers,

you dress and quicken to their magnetic pull.

You find your way to their arms as deftly as if you’ve been before.

All the while your head and heart

thrum,

tick tick,

cogs churning over how bottomless you must be

to look for worth in the physical attraction

of a stranger’s

craving.

 

You are an addiction. A drug,

the opium they desperately wish to consume, ravenous and

wide-eyed.

They know you need them too.

They know you are devoted to

soothing their souls,

healing their scars,

filling their desires as they drink all of you in,

a long sweep as their eyes linger at all the right spots.

They know you are devoted, submissive and persuaded,

growing like flowers to the sunlight,

because of the awakening they feed you.

Long dormant, you gather prowess, confidence,

strictly a tease until you bathe in their pleasure of you.

 

A light flares behind your eyes.

You are wanted.

The sensual hush as you both obey each other in turn;

Do you need me there, or here;

What do you like most?

You both trace and grope for the task at hand,

locked together, mouths lost in each other.

 

You were wanted.

After the flames have burnt low, you lie awake

feeling the storm rage inside.

Why did you need to do this?

What was the point at being the forbidden sweet;

the object of someone so beyond reach?

Their eyes will forget your shape,

forget the games you played,

until they remember you,

born out of their loneliness.

Just as you leave feeling the scald of yours.

 

You were once wanted.

But now you crawl into bed alongside your insecurity.

You adjust the pillow to find pity nestled beneath the sheets.

Can you love yourself? If those men you please can’t really love you?

You can reach for them as they drift further back, but don’t

expect them to hold you as you sleep.

Don’t expect anything more than a cruel jab as they

tease you like a child.

Lull yourself to sleep, rest your body,

and freeze your heart in place.

Preserve as much as you can,

before it blows away on the morning air.

Let your arms hold you,

let them warm you

as you recover what is missing.

 

*Artwork unknown*

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