Flashing lights, swirling movements
Loud energy alive, electric; like fireworks
The spa feeling warm and sensuous,
As power and the glow of excitement washed over her,
little did she know what a seductress she could be.
Vibrant eyes, and voice and senses, losing herself in the moment,
drawing out people from behind shuttered windows
losing all their defences.
she felt free. she felt alive. colours continued to swirl as she danced,
meeting new souls, new patterns of people along the way.
Some storm, some rolling wave of grey sparked into being,
so distant yet so disturbing, hours into the night.
lights became so piercing; men began to unfold their hidden talons,
touching places not to be touched, roaming and seeking and urgent;
sweet smiles became deadly grins of delight, pressing themselves against her,
sliding around like licking serpents, getting feistier
as she fumbled for her bathers being pulled down her legs by those
very determined hands. Sodomised, fingered, warm feelings and scratches running down her legs
and grabbed, She whispered no, even as others’ eyes fell on her.
struggling away, she swam to a far corner, meeting more monsters attracted to her light,
their eyes drinking in the sight of her, begging to get close.
Some men used words, others charm, others grace and poise to ask her name, about her,
and she tried to remember herself, her true self, not this creature.
She did not tease, she did not play at this game. she distanced and remembered to dance and
enjoy time on her own, or with those brief friends she could spy, at moments.
always alert, yet growing wary, the night grew darker still. it was late. the lights were flicking off,
colours ebbing into muted shades,
she climbed out and caught more eyes.
a brilliant smile, sparkling eyes, a playful tease and jab,
she became enveloped in his presence because of the brazen desire filling his eyes. not bothering
to hide, nor shirk away, he wanted his prize. he wanted her there and then, and it was a look she
only wished she could feel for herself, to fill that jagged hollow, to absolve her of her lost self-worth,
her utter despair.
she prepared herself. She would grow as a woman that night, but only in the most horrible way she
could frame, years later, thinking back.
the lies she told herself.
the false feeling of worth as he held her under a shower, rapturous. she needed to wash the filth
from her skin, realise the horrid situation. She ran for a second time.
she dressed alone and found him waiting for her, a shadow lingering to hold her hand.
She saw a quick glimmer of danger, before it vanished, a puff of smoke lost on the morning breeze,
lost to a dark, dark sea of sky.
He wanted companionship, lost was the lust from before.
or hidden as it was,
cloaked in well-meant intentions.
He walked her to the door of her home, lost in harmless chatter playing devoted friend and
sweetness like sugar. all along she felt resided to her fate.
she felt confused, she knew she felt she had to give him something in return for his gestures,
though her chest grew tight at the thought.
She knew what he wanted, and he knew she knew. he pressed himself closer, quiet and deserted
streets. he knew she would give in, he knew she wasn’t all that strong.
but in her mind, as she thanked him but tried to dissuade him from staying or coming inside,
she could hear that nasty little voice. that recklessness that she fought to suffocate,
urging her to live and explore. and he helped pull her under, he followed
the growing uneasiness began to spread, a blood red fever as she tensed and fear followed her as
through that door
trying to take her clothes off wrapped in darkness,
wrapped in silence as strangers slept in beds around her.
he pressed his tongue down her throat, he grabbed and pulled and she fought against his wishes;
feeling the insurmountable danger of the situation, and heartache in her.
She could only whisper in his face ‘NO’. ‘NO, I can’t do this, I don’t want to.
Can’t I just sleep?’ please, I don’t want this’.
his lust returned, his talons unfurling further
’spread your legs, it’ll be ok’ he urged, his voice begging. he spoke with a growl from deep below.
pinning her down, a heavy weight on top of her,
he used his spit to force his way in. She grew panicked, and knew this was it. she tightened,
she tried to burrow into herself, her shell being cracked from the outside.
she couldn’t hide herself for too long, trying to breathe
she tightened, but he forced even harder,
she curled up underneath him yet it only made him try again…
A burning, searing pain. A searing flash of bright red pain blossomed from between her legs.
she wasn’t safe.
wasn’t she supposed to feel safe?
ripped in half, torn, she fell into silent shock for a time as he broke through and her entire body
began to ache.
tears welled in her eyes, as she lay there, biting her tongue to stop from screaming.
jagged edges, like glass, traced patterns inside her, feeling herself bleed and tighten more.
her body trying to shield the damage.
she came back, and realised he wasn’t finished.
he thrust her down on him, choking her.
she only grew more subservient, more dead inside.
she laughed the deadest laugh she’d ever felt,
crying herself to sleep in silence in his arms.
Come morning, they woke. Still wrapped in silence, she gathered her belongings
him watching from above, teasing and caressing like a lover
but she knew it was more vicious than that.
He spanked her, laughed, and showed himself out, saying goodbye like nothing
passed between them out of the ordinary.
the last she saw, or spoke of him.
She caught her train back home, to safety yet a place where this could never be mentioned. never
spoken, it would cut her throat trying to voice it.
She locked the darkness away, behind a vault, a key code she
neglected and struggled to bury.
She covered up the wounds, thinking of daringness and adventure
but covering up weakness and stupidity.
It served to make her stronger, until she looped back on to herself
for being outrageously WEAK
Where does that leave her now?